Essence teaches you how to get revenge on a cheater?

This morning I found this article in my in box that made me laugh because Essence usually doesn’t publish articles like this. Since their new site redesign (that mimics a blog), I have noticed that they have changed their writing style and the audience they are trying to appeal to. smh….

Sweet Revenge: Getting Even With A Cheater

ESSENCE.com: What is the most common revenge tactic?
RUTH HOUSTON: Women are more inclined to have a retaliatory affair than men are. But most women who are really bent on getting revenge will usually resort to destroying personal property of cheaters.

ESSENCE.com: What are the consequences of revenge affairs?
HOUSTON: Revenge affairs usually backfire. It generally doesn’t work out the way the woman thinks it will. Either he doesn’t care or he’s not able to get past revenge cheating. Men are not as forgiving as women are. Usually it’s such an affront to his manhood that, if she’s desirous of getting the relationship back on track, it can totally destroy [any chance of that].

ESSENCE.com: What are the consequences of destroying his property?
HOUSTON: It’s not a good idea. It can either land you in jail or escalate to violence with the partner.

ESSENCE.com: What are some legal ways to get revenge?
HOUSTON: There are about seven states remaining–Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah–where a married woman can sue [her husband's] mistress for “alienation of affection,” and she can get money from the mistress. If the mistress is a woman of means, the betrayed wife can make a pretty penny.

Some women will look to run up [their husband's] charge account and max out their charge cards. If he’s a man of means, he’ll have less money to buy the Cadillacs and the expensive things that he’s used to.

If there are children involved, many times a woman will deny her man access to his children or she may divorce him and take such a huge chunk of his income for alimony and child support that he has nothing to live on, and, in many cases, the mistress doesn’t want him any more.

ESSENCE.com: What is third party revenge?
HOUSTON: Some women will go through a third party to get revenge. For example, if the person comes from a very religious background, the woman may reveal the affair to [her man's] church family or a minister. If it’s a workplace affair, [she] may go to human resources. If he’s cheating with a woman who is married or in a committed relationship, [his wife or girlfriend] may tell the spouse or significant other of the mistress.

Also, wives and girlfriends are privy to their man’s deep dark secrets. If he owes back taxes, many women will blow the whistle. If he’s involved in some shady activities, some women will drop a dime.

ESSENCE.com: What’s your advice to those who want to seek revenge?
HOUSTON: Revenge is not healthy to actually carry out, but some people really and truly can not get past the infidelity unless they feel they have evened the score. The best revenge is just to ignore the cheater; put him so completely out of your life and let him see that he was so insignificant in your life that he didn’t cause a ripple. It’s easier said than done, but if you try to let some time pass and think rationally about it, then you’ll realize it’s not worth the trouble. I don’t advocate revenge at all, but if you have to do something, do something harmless.

ESSENCE.com: Give us an example of something harmless that women have done.
HOUSTON: [Before she left her husband] one woman cut one arm off of all of his business suits and that Monday when he got up to put his suit on, one arm was missing from all of his suits. In her mind she evened the score, but it was pretty harmless, except that he needed to buy some new clothes.

source: essence.com

Gabrielle Union does Essence

Dang already!!!!

Jill Scott on Single Motherhood

ESSENCE.COM: Well, at least your hubby-to-be was there to support. How has he been adjusting to Jett?
SCOTT: Yes, he was there and for a couple of days afterwards while I stayed in hospital, but John and I are no longer together. When you have a baby you’re dealing with a lot of emotions and I don’t know how much of it had to do with us breaking up, but it happens. We definitely love our son and we are co-parenting and working on being friends. It is what it is. I have a lot of support, so I want for nothing as far as that’s concerned. I know some might criticize me or the fact that my son is being raised in a single-parent home, but I wasn’t raised in a two-parent home and I had a good relationship with my dad. I have hopes for him and I’m sure his father will do his part as well.

ESSENCE.COM: As a mother, what has been the biggest lesson thus far?
SCOTT: My heart and prayers go out to all single moms because it’s tough, and I can’t imagine any teenager dealing with a baby and all those hormones raging. I can afford to have this child at 37 because I have a support system and I can talk to my girls, Mo’Nique and Erykah [Badu], but I don’t understand how any mother does it alone. I don’t believe I suffered from postpartum because I didn’t feel depressed, but it was jarring and I can understand now how some mothers lose it. What he’s taught me is that I thought I was grown and patient but I was neither until now. Even when I hold him and dance with him to his favorite song, Marvin Gaye’s “Come Live With Me,” and he holds me tighter and then relaxes, I realize that I never knew unconditional love like this before, and I’m looking forward to watching and helping him grow.

source: Essence.com

Michelle Obama and mom to feature in Mothers Day issue of Essence

U.S. First Lady Michelle Obamas mother, Marian Robinson, will feature with her in the May issue of Essence magazine.

Washington, April 6 : U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama’s mother, Marian Robinson, will feature with her in the May issue of Essence magazine.

Marian joined her daughter for a joint interview and cover shoot for the U.S. Mother’s Day issue of the magazine.

The interview was conducted in Michelle’s East Wing Office at about a month after the inauguration.

The mother-daughter duo discussed family, life in the White House, and the importance of good role models.

Marian, 71, said her role model was her daughter.

“Michelle has always been Michelle. And she has always accomplished whatever it was she set out to accomplish,” Politico.com quoted Robinson as saying in the interview, which is not yet posted online.

“I have always looked up to Michelle because she has been able to do things that I couldn’t do emotionally, psychologically or physically. I think she is amazing,” she said.

Michelle was also all praise for her mother.

“She made me who I am,” said the First Lady.

She also discussed her growing platform, giving it a global spin.

“We have to talk about flex hours and exercise and nutrition and health and what that means. And we have to talk about values, and our relationship with men. All of those are part of the conversation that I think we need to have, not just in this country, but around the world,” she said.

The mother-daughter team also discussed parenting.

When Marian was asked whether she planned to write a parenting book, her daughter jumped in with a laugh, and she said: “We are working on it.”

Steve Harvey Answers Your Love Questions

I was reading essence.com the other day and came across this page where it said “Steve Harvey Answers Your Love Questions.” I was like huh???? What makes him an expert on relationships???? Either which way Mr. Hightower did a Q&A and this response rang so true for me.

Q: Why do men have so much enthusiasm when they meet you but seem to lose interest six months later? How do you get them to continue being as excited and interested as they were in the beginning?
—Trina, 32, Newark, New Jersey

STEVE HARVEY: That’s almost a natural path in relationships. It’s always a honeymoon in the beginning. It’s like when you first get married. There’s a honeymoon and then you settle into the day-to-day functions of being married: the bills, the kids, and the grind of building your dreams together. A woman has to understand that, in the beginning, the enthusiasm and the excitement for a man is the hunt. But women bring this excitement to a close a lot quicker than it has to happen. If this woman would extend the courting process, and exacted her standards of how she wants to be treated, over a long period of time, a guy would be more conditioned to constantly bombard her with niceties. If you like flowers, the flowers would continue if that was a standard. But a lot of women don’t have their standards in place so he does what he has to do in the beginning, and then it drops off.

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